Hi there, Happy New Year! So I’m going to have to be a bit careful about how I word this because I don’t want to sound like I’ve been finding the last five months difficult. I haven’t, it’s been lovely, the newborn bubble, snuggles with my baby boy, time off with Ettie. I’ve loved every second and have been using the time productively to grow this blog and my Instagram account which I’ve really enjoyed. But somewhere towards the end of October winter set in, Ollie started his four month sleep regression and Ettie became really hard work so getting out of the house was a bit of a nightmare and I retreated into staying indoors because it was easier. I didn’t really realise it was happening and if you’d have asked me at the time I would have said all was ok, but actually now looking back I was probably a little overwhelmed!
When things like that happen, I tend to retreat back into work mode as I find it easier pouring all of my attention into things I can control instead of things I can’t… like over-tired children! So somewhere towards the end of 2019 I stopped being ‘fun mum’ and turned into ‘worky Mum’ eager to make instagram a success, earn money and learn new skills – (in this case it was Lightroom).
Towards the end of 2019 I was back in full on work mode, thinking of my to do list as soon as I woke up in the morning and willing the children to have a nap so I could get on and tackle it. I paid too much attention to likes and numbers and even when I was spending time playing, a little portion of my brain would be thinking of ways to sneak off and answer emails or practice some Lightroom edits without being noticed. I’d also get snappy with Stuart if I hadn’t achieved all I wanted to that day.
Now I am not saying there’s anything wrong with ‘worky mum’. Not anything at all. In a few months time ‘worky mum’ is the person I want to be because I hope she’ll help me be able to earn money from home and spend more time with my babes. But a little break from social media over Christmas made me down tools and realise that for now, for me, it’s not the right time for ‘worky mum’ to be in charge.
So why will 2019 be different?
Well I had a complete break from social media over Christmas, only posting things when I wanted to, not worrying about hashtags, engagement or what the top nine squares in my grid looked like. I popped onto Instagram for a few minutes here and there when I had the time but for the most part I spend the whole fortnight blissfully unaware of where my phone was and I. loved. it! The downtime made me see how much I’d been overthinking things before Christmas, trying to learn Lightroom so I could make my photos look like other peoples and not just enjoy them for what they were.
Since I’ve had a run of posting what I like, when I like, I’ve really been enjoying Instagram again. I’ve gone back to my usual VSCO edits, I’m photographing things in my day to day life instead of pushing myself out of my comfort zone and most of all I’m not completely beating myself up if I don’t find the time to spend and hour commenting and scrolling every single day.
And so that is why my New Years resolution for 2019 is a little different to other years. This year I’m not looking to better myself, grow my following, learn a new skill or become more organised. This year all I want to do is spend time with my sweet little girl and scrummy little boy and feel so carefree that I can spend an afternoon playing dinosaurs or ‘naildressers’ and not give a second thought to the emails that might be sitting in my in tray. I’m renaming this blog in the next few weeks and from there on in I’m scaling everything back to focus mostly on that rather than Instagram. I’m well aware that we only get a few short chances in life to spend all of our time with our children (basically maternity leave) so in 2019 I want to focus my efforts on just spending time with them. There’s plenty of time for ‘worky mum’ in the future. In 2019 I just want to be ‘fun mum’ again.