Dear Ettie
I haven’t written to you for a few months now and I’m not sure why, I think it’s because I felt like nothing was really changing. You’ve been coming on in leaps and bounds in terms of your personality and speech (and definitely cheekiness), but I feel like I say that every month and so didn’t want my letters to get boring repeating the same thing.
But this month we welcomed your new little brother into the world and its been such a special time for all of us. I wanted to get something down to document how you’ve made the transition into becoming a big sister and what better way to do that than writing you a letter. It’s been such a whirlwind of emotions for me. On the one hand I’ve been consumed with love for the beautiful baby boy we’ve now welcomed into our family, but on the other I’ve been wracked with mum guilt, mourning the fact that our time together as a two in now over and worrying that you’d somehow feel left out or jealous that you had to share Mummy and Daddy’s attention. But I absolutely needn’t have worried as you’ve been beyond amazing, loving him instantly and welcoming him with open arms. I’m so proud of the loving, caring and compassionate little person you are growing up to be. I know you’re only 2 so that seems a silly thing to say, but as you are always reminding us, “you’re a big girl now, even bigger than Daddy” 😉
On the day Ollie arrived, we had had a lovely day at the beach just the three of us, splashing in the sea and eating ice creams on the pebbles. It was a perfect summers day and one I will remember fondly for the rest of my life. I didn’t feel any pains while we were there, I was even swinging you around in the sea just before we packed up to leave, but in the van on the way home, I started to get little labour pains and so we asked Nanny and Grandad to come and collect you. It was a good job we did, because about an hour or so later your little brother was born, right here in our bedroom on our bed. It was over so quickly, I was really looking forward to you coming straight home to meet him, but we had to be transferred into hospital for observations and so you got to spend the night at Nanny’s. It felt so strange being apart from you and for someone else to put you to bed. I was worried you wouldn’t sleep because you’ve never really had a sleepover before so we agreed Daddy would leave us at the hospital at 2.30am and go to Nanny’s so that you had one of us with you when you woke up in the morning. Speaking to them the next morning it turns out I need not have worried because you a brilliant time sleeping on a little camp bed.
The next morning Daddy came to the hospital to collect Ollie and I, but left you playing at Nannys. We thought it would be better if you met your new brother at home where it felt more familiar. Once we were sorted he drove round to pick you up and think he must have told you that you had a present for you, because the first thing you said when you walked in the door was ‘Daddy where’s my present?’.
Ollie and I were waiting for you in the living room and when we showed you your little brother for the first time, you were so excited. Your eyes lit up and you gave him a big kiss on the forehead. Such a sweet big sister. I’m annoyed with myself because I was recording it all but from behind your head and so I missed a lot of your expressions :(, but I did manage to capture some on my phone. We spent the rest of the day cuddled up on the sofa, sleeping and watching Disney films with Daddy. It was perfect and really special having the four of us together in the same room.
A few days later I started to worry that you were beginning to feel funny about the change, because you were very quiet while your cousins were playing and I could see in your eyes that you weren’t your usual happy self. It made me so sad thinking that you might be upset and I went to bed that night crying big heavy tears. I even sneaked back into your room for a cuddle once you were asleep just to make sure you were OK. But it turns out I shouldn’t have worried because you were actually coming down with chicken pox. Not that that’s a good thing, the spots were horrible and it was so sad to see you scratching. But you handled it like a trooper and didn’t complain even though it must have been very frustrating. You even told me off for trying to pick them when they were dry. Such a big girl. I was so relieved that it was a virus and not your actual heart hurting.
We’re so very proud of the way that you’ve managed to stay in your big girls bed since Daddy changed it from being a cot. Every night we read you a bed time story and give you a cuddle, then you stay in there until around 2.30am when you toddle through to us for a cuddle. I know that still isn’t all night, but it is enough for Daddy and I to get our big chunk of sleep out-of-the-way and for you not to be disturbed by Ollie. It’s actually the cutest thing, because you have lots of bunnies on your bed, and since Ollie has been born you’ve started bringing them all through for a cuddle with us too. Midway through the night I hear the pitter patter of your little feet scurrying across the hallway, then moments later you’re at the side of my bed with all your bunnies in your hand. It’s the sweetest thing. I scoop you up and pop you in the middle of Daddy and I, then you’ll drift off to sleep again until the morning -holding my cheek as you nod off.
Two nights ago, I woke up and you were kissing my forehead and cuddling me. It made my heart burst thinking you kissed me on the head like I do you, but again I was worried that your brother’s arrival had unsettled you in some way. I think maybe it has in terms of it being a change. You know that you love him, but you also realise something is different and aren’t quite sure what that means. I’ve been making up for it by giving you extra big kisses and cuddles whenever I get the chance to make sure you know how much we love you.
I love you so so much Arrietty. We’ve had so much fun together as a twosome, it makes me a little sad thinking you won’t remember, but hopefully this blog will help. I found it really difficult at first processing the fact that time is now over, but the way you welcomed your brother with an open heart made me see I was being very silly. Now he has been here a month I couldn’t imagine life any other way and I just know we are all going to have so much fun together as a family. Already my days are filled with nothing but happiness by spending time with you both. I know its slushy coming from your old Mum but I want you to realise how unbelievably happy you make me and I really hope that I can do the same for you.
All my love always and forever
Your Mum xxx
